Mother’s day is coming up and it got me thinking and reflecting. Thinking about the journey that led me into becoming a mother and who I am today. It was not easy. Went through a blighted ovum, 2 years of fertility treatments, a very emotional pregnancy/birth, ending of my marriage, becoming a single mother and navigating co-parenting. I also “leaned in” when I was pregnant but then afterwards decided to “lean back”. What got me through all of this, is the support and love from my family and friends and my son. He has taught me much. He makes me want to do better and be better.
So I finish with this:
- To those who don’t want to have kid(s) – it’s okay! Screw what everyone else says and don’t be pressured.
- To those who aren’t sure if they want to have kid(s) – please see previous statement. If someone keeps asking/pressuring you – ask them if they would pay your salary while you take parental leave as well as pay for daycare till they get to kindergarten.
- To those who are trying – I am here for you. If someone keeps asking you, be honest and tell them you are trying. It will give them a pause. I wish I did this more often then try to be polite and simply responding with “Someday.” I believe society/culture needs to stop with the “When are you going to have kids?” and “Why aren’t you having kids?” type of questions (I could write a really long rant on this.)
- To those who are about to have kid(s)/already have kid(s) – trust your instinct. Know better and do better. Treat your little one with respect. Shift your perspective and then things don’t seem so rough. People will bombard you with unwanted advice or tell you to do things that may not feel right to you – ignore them. It’s also inevitable that someone will soon ask you when you will have another. I would tell them – “I want to enjoy the one I have now. I spent 2 years trying to have one. Also, are you paying for my parental leave?”
- To those who are the single parent – you are strong. You got this. Have a support system (if possible).