How do I jump in?

I’ve never jumped into a pile of leaves.  At least what I recall.  If I did, it probably didn’t end well hence why no memory.  As Mark and I were driving home, he told me that the leaves have been blown into a pile.  He urges me to jump into the pile.  I’m scared out of my mind.  Thoughts of “What if I get hurt?” or “What if I make a big mess and the poor guys have to blow the leaves again?” raced through mind.

“How do I jump in?,” I say.

He smiles and says something along the lines of “However you want.”

“Should I jump on my butt?”  I tippy toe back and forth on the curb, nervous and excited.  In the background, I think I heard “Ready?! Jump!”

I jump butt first.  It was the most exhilarating thing I’ve done.  I run back to him giggling and bouncing like crazy.

He then says, “Now try diving!”

“Head first?!?,” I say.  What if I hit my head?  What if there is a rock?

Mark smiles and says, “Like a swan dive.”

So I skipped back to the spot and looked for a spot to jump in.  Then I did the tippy toe back and forth. And then I jumped.  I lay for the moment feeling the dewy leaves.

“It’s wet! How did I do!? ” as I peek my head from the pile of leaves.  I get up brush myself off and ran back to Mark.

“That was sooo fun! ” te.he.he.he…

As we get in the house, Mark tells me he wishes he had a camera with him.  I asked him why and he says laughing, “When you jumped into the pile of leaves, the leaves were up here and you were down there and the leaves didn’t move.  All of the sudden, your head peeked up from the pile of leaves.”

Burnout from feeling obligated?

I came across this article and it made think that I am burned out on feeling obligated.  I hate disappointing people.  It is one of my fears.  I’ve been focused for so long on what needs to be and have to be done, that I forgot myself.

I forgot what my needs and what my wants are.  So now I’ve been doing tasks that have no obligations.  Just stuff that if I don’t finish, it will be okay.

All because of Andy

It was Luly that sucked me in.  That’s how I met all these RIT people and from there I met other people.

It was another Capstone dinner night.  I was worried because it would be a lot of people (9 to be exact) and being around a group of people drain me.  Surprisingly, it didn’t! If anything it energized me and made me feel calmer.  I was surrounded by funny and awesome people.  Picturing Jacob as a teacher, getting smacked by Weez, stuffing myself with Amish bread, and listening to other people’s goals/wishes was…simply wonderful.

It was a definitely needed outing for me and I’m glad I went.

The sun

The alarm goes off and I hit the snooze.  After the 5th time, I finally get up.  On my wall, I see the sun peeking thru the branches of a tree in this rectangle. The colors are magnificent.  The sun was this pale warm yellow, while the shadows is a pale blue-purple-gray color.  I sit up and stare and am in awe of it.  I wish I had a camera and a tripod to take a picture of it, but it would not do it justice.

A couple of days later and I am still thinking about it.  Trying to see if I can recreate what I saw that morning.  It bought me a moment of clarity and peace.  Nothing was in my mind, I was merely enjoying it.

It was wonderful.  I do hope I can recreate it.

Feeling Crafty

Lately, I have been having an itch of being crafty. I don’t know why but I’ve been wanting to pick up sewing, crocheting, and/or cross-stitching. I’ve never done anything like this but I feel like it’s time that I learn and that I need to.  I don’t know why.  I feel that by learning one of these craft that I can focus more and that I can in a sense…almost center myself.