I am a “Catholic”. See how I wrote it in quotes? The reason is because my family raised me as a Catholic. I do not actively follow in those traditions. It was because when I was younger I went to a Vietnamese Catholic Church and I never really understood what was said. The only time I understood what was being said was when I went to Bible School at an American church or went to services that was in English. Furthermore, I felt pressured and almost…forced? And that I felt that I was being told how to act and think.
Throughout the years, I learned and read about various things in regards to church and the things that people did in the name of <insert name of a God here>. It saddened me and disgusted me, so I never proclaimed that I was a “Catholic” or a “Christian” or etc. When people ask me if I believe in God or what is my religion, I reply with this:
“I am not religious. If anything I am a spiritual person. I do believe in God, and whether it’s a Christian God, Catholic God, Allah, or even Buddha, it does not matter to me. In my honest opinion, Allah, Buddha, God is the same. It’s just that everyone has their own perspectives on God. I believe that there are some things that cannot be explained nor understood and that everyone should respect each other and treat each other with kindness.”
One of the things that has always irked me is when people try to push their religion on me. Or better yet, try to say that if I went to Church…that I would be better. Another thing that bothers me is when people say “I have to go to Church.” Why do you have to go to Church? Should you not want to go to Church? I hear that and I feel like that person is going to Church because they don’t want to. You shouldn’t have to go to Church. You should want to go to Church.
For many years, I would wander through various paths on the way to finding God. In college, I took various courses in Philosophy and in one course I even got a chance to read the parts of the Bible in a non-religious way.
I knew in my heart that I would find my own way but it would be on my terms, on my time and when I was ready.
After Mark and I got engaged, the big question was whether or not to get married in a Church. Mark and I are not religious. I asked my mother and she wanted us to get married in a Church and so we are.
One of my relatives asked why I was getting married in a Church when I don’t even attend Church. Why indeed? My main reason was because my mother wanted me to and this was what I told everyone. That is only a part of it.
The other reason was because in my heart I knew it was time. It was time to figure out how God would play a part in not only my life, but my life with Mark, and our future children.
I asked Mark what he planned on doing when we had children and if he wanted for them to go to Church. He said he didn’t know. I want for our children to experience Church but I do not want to force them. I did not want for them to be in the same position that I was when I was younger.
For the past few weeks, I’ve thought a lot about God and this journey I am on. It will be interesting to see where it leads me.