He’s contemplating on how to cut a hole into the water jug and he has this hmm-contemplative grin. The type of grin that tells me he is thinking but in a not-mad-somewhat-serious grin. As I see him ponder on how to cut the whole, I picture him and our child (maybe a son?) sitting next to him trying to help him and encourage him.
It’s a touching thought.
everytime I come close to the breaking point, I find my resolve. However, the problem is…I grow a thicker, tougher skin.
The past two weeks have been very stressful for me. Many people do not know this. I have so much on my plate. More than I let on. But I can handle it.
What I can’t handle are the people that I rely on that brings me down and makes me feel worse than I already feel.
I am my own worst enemy. I worry way too much and I have suffered physically and emotionally.
So I do my best to get things to do to the best of my ability without driving myself to the ground. However, I can’t help but feel that it’s not good enough for people. That they want me to push myself to the point where I break.
Been there, done that. I don’t want to go there. Never again.
There are times when I need a push and there are times when I don’t. If I need a push, I will tell you to push me.
I was tough back then. Too tough to the point where I could not let people in and trust people. The reason I got tough was because I was too sensitive. So I’ve started to change slowly and let people into my life. But I’m still sensitive and I fight the urge to wear my tough skin and close myself off to the world.
I wonder how much more of this can last. Before i completly break.
There is so much I need to do yet so little time. I need to get my To Do List together and start plotting out stuff. EEEE!
Things that need to get done (in no specific order):
When it rains, it pours.
So today was the day the fiancee and I moved to our new place. Even though, I was “there”, I really wasn’t there because I was working at home. It was raining today, he was cranky cause some of his friends didn’t show up to help with the move, and I was having issues up the ass with work stuff.
What a “great” day this has been.